They Call Me The Wanderer: A Letter to My Readers

To My Readers:

There’s been a common theme running through my dreams the past several nights: Losing My Way.

In one dream, I was going the wrong direction on a busy highway. People blasted their horns, yelled curses. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to turn around. Readjust myself. Find my way.

Last night I dreamt of being at a cousin’s house down the shore. I went for a walk and couldn’t find my way back. I stood on a hill and could see the house. I saw where I wanted to go, but I just couldn’t get there. I walked in circles, losing my breath, my feet aching, only to find myself back in the same place that I started.

Finally I came across a stranger—a short woman with a cropped hair cut—and asked her for directions. I followed her instructions and it led me to a shallow swimming pool with clear blue water. Apparently, it seemed, it was necessary that I walk through this water in order to arrive home. I dreaded getting my shoes wet, but saw no other alternative. When I eventually made it, a black dog the size of a pony was there to greet me. He leapt onto his hind legs and hugged me the way a human would. I laughed and laughed.

"Beyond the horizon"Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, July 2010

“Beyond the horizon”
Sunset Beach, Cape May Point, July 2010

So what does it all mean?

Well, for one thing I am directionally impaired. My inner-navigation system is shot. In fact, I’ve been known to get lost even with the GPS. My husband likes to joke that the Dion song “The Wanderer” was written about me: They call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer, I roam around and round and round and round…

But dreams often carry more metaphorical interpretations. Perhaps I’m mentally lost? Emotionally lost? Spiritually lost? Psychologically lost? Answer? All of the above.

It’s a rare person who knows exactly what she was born to do. I was born to write. Does that mean I’m destined to be the next Danielle Steel? Of course not. But during these past two months I’ve done a lot of self-reflection, and realized, with more certainty than I’ve ever had in my whole life, that if I don’t write in some shape or form during my time here on earth, I may never feel complete.

You may have noticed that I’ve all but disappeared since the holidays. I truly have lost my way. Things happened. Life got busy. I went through a very weepy, “blue” period. I lost track of my writing life. Maybe it was burnout. Lack of confidence. Mixed up priorities. There’s no real good explanation for it—though I imagine any writer out there reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s a compulsion that has the ability to make us miserable, yet we can’t resist. We aren’t physically able to.

We lose our way sometimes. We ride the wrong direction. We know exactly where we want to be, but can’t seem to get there (Hmm…sounds just like my dream).

That being said…I’m back! And I’d like to share with you my plans for The Intrinsic Writer 2013:

Saturdays: I will be beginning a new feature called “Serene Saturdays” where I’ll share new and different ways to “relax.” A life goal of mine is to achieve that oh-so-elusive peace of mind. I’m no Deepak Chopra—which is partly why I’m doing this, to teach myself to relax—but I’d love to reveal the small, everyday things that help me cope with stress.

Sundays: Old School Sundays will continue!

Tuesdays: My featured posts on the life and craft of writing fiction and more!

It’s a new year for all of us. What I’ve learned during my brief reflection period is that it’s OK to hide out for a while, to lose your way, so to speak; so long as you come back regenerated and stronger than before. I’m grateful for my life, this blog, all of you followers, and of course, that special knowledge that tells me to do what I absolutely need to do to survive.

-Katie

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15 Comments

Filed under Breaking Through, Inspiration, The Writing Life, Why We Write

15 responses to “They Call Me The Wanderer: A Letter to My Readers

  1. Abrielle Valencia

    I’m so glad you’re back! You were missed! Sometimes we just need to step away for a little while. The inspiration is still there; it just needs to find its way back out again. In some cases, we’re more insightful. Looking forward to keeping up with your blogs. #AnIntrinsic WriterFan

  2. I think all writers feel lost once in a while- which is why it is good to connect with others who keep us headed in the right direction. You’re very lucky to know what your life’s dream is, and to have learned the tools to make it come true! The holidays always seem to derail the best of intentions though, especially writers for whom solitude is a prerequisite for progress.

    I’ve missed the inspiration and insights of your posts, and I’m sure glad you’re back! With Serene Saturdays no less. I need some of that, for sure!

    • Thanks Kirsten! Knew I could count on you! I like your take on the holidays. It’s true…very hard to find the solitude. Hmm..never considered that. Very true. That may just be the answer!
      I’m glad you missed my posts…that means I need to keep writing them! First Serene Saturday up now. Hope you like 🙂

  3. I wondered where you went. Glad you’re back. 🙂

  4. I think many of us creative folks are feeling rather lost .. or at least at a crossroads — these days. Economic times being what they are, pressing down on us. I, too, am a huge believer in dreams and, like you, interpret my own. The positive I see in your dream is your willingness to walk through the water, get your shoes wet, and embrace the black dog. (To me, I think, a black dog would be depression. To you, perhaps, something different). All in all, it seems a positive dream. So, write on!

    • Hi Terri. Yes, I know what you mean about the state of the economy. It only brings us artists a greater challenge. But I suppose that’s the way we have to look at it–a challenge, not an impossibility.
      It’s weird you mention the black dog being a symbol of depression. In the dream, at first, I feared him. But when he started jumping on me and licking me, etc., I felt less afraid and realized that he was harmless…hmmm, I may have just figured something else out there! Isn’t the subconscious awesome?

  5. I wondered what happened to you! Glad you’re back, Katie! I’ve found time away has helped me a bit, so I totally get your journey. I am glad to hear you took some much needed time for you, and that you found positive things to focus on now that you’re back. Best wishes to you!

    • Thanks Eva! I’m both happy and upset that so many people noticed my absence! I know you had taken a month or so off from blogging as well. How did it go for you?

      • I can understand the happy and upset! I did indeed—actually it’s more like six weeks—and I’m coming back tomorrow. I’ll be blogging all about it! Honestly, it was grand. More about it in my post, stay tuned. 🙂 Looking forward to reading your posts!

  6. Welcome back! I, too, went through that and am trying to get back on track. I hope this award helps get your creative juices flowing: http://jleesblog.com/2013/01/15/my-pants-arent-traveling-but-im-in-the-sisterhood/

  7. Hi Katie,
    So glad you’re back and am I with you, sistah! My next blog has the title “My Disappearance,” so the universe is in synch for most of us writers (as I can see on many writer’s post on SheWrites). I’ll add this post to mine when I post. To paraphrase what our astrologer Johanna Mitchell said about last year and the beginning of this, if you don’t deal with chaos well, it’s going to be a tough time.
    Let’s celebrate chaos and all the change it brings and carry on.
    hugs,
    Valerie

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